“How many kids do you want?” That’s a question that every girl has been asked multiple times since middle school sleepovers. 4, 3, 2, 1, none. As you got older the answer to that question probably dwindled. Pretty soon your social media news feeds will be covered in bumps and babies, that is if it isn’t already. Even if you thought you might want just one, that might have changed after you witnessed your friend have a child.
But then comes the hard part: telling people that you don’t want kids. It may be 2018 but everyone (at least everyone over the age of 35) still seems to be shocked when a young woman says she doesn’t want kids. Despite whatever reaction you’ve been getting, I’m here to tell you that it’s ok you don’t want kids. Here’s why.
You just don’t have that motherly instinct. I’ve witnessed a women who never really wanted to be a mother, have children. It’s not easy for anyone involved. Despite what every 50’s sitcom would have you believe, not every woman has been yearning to birth children and be a stay at home mom since she was 14. There’s a lot of women that don’t really like kids at all and never felt the urge to mother a tiny, messy human. It’s ok. There’s a lot more to life than being a mother.
You’re putting your career first. Some women are able to have both the career they wanted and a big family, but it’s not easy and not everyone gets to have their cake and eat it too. A lot of women with children don’t excel in their career the same way they would have if they had chosen not to have kids. That’s just the cold, hard truth. It’s ok if you’re not willing to give up your potential doing something that you absolutely love to have kids, especially if you’re not so gung-ho about the idea in the first place.
Kids are expensive. It currently costs $233,610 to raise a single child from birth through age 17. That’s $13,741 per year. Of course, this does not include any assistance you would give after they become a legal adult. You might be looking at four more years of assistance if they go to college, and that’s not counting you helping with tuition. Oh, and did I mention that’s only for one kid? So you’d rather travel the world, donate to charity, or buy nice things for yourself than spend it on diapers and kids clothes? That’s ok. Congrats on putting about 14k per year in your fun fund.
I N D E P E N D E N T. You love your independence and don’t want kids changing that. Right now you can travel, sleep, go out to eat, and really do whatever you want. All of that changes when you start having kids and your independence won’t return until they’re all out of the house. Honestly, can anyone blame you for not wanting to wake up every 2 hours throughout the night? No, no they cannot.
You just don’t want kids. Never feel like you have to give someone an explanation when you tell them that you don’t want kids. You don’t owe them anything and not wanting them should be explanation enough. No matter how many times an older woman with 10 grandkids tells you that having kids is the best thing that could ever happen to you, you’re not going to change your mind but sometimes all you can say is ok. Plus, it’s probably better to regret not having any than to have them and resent them.
Your family will be ok. If your parents really wanted children and now seem like they’re literally dying until you give them grandchildren, then you might feel guilty for not wanting kids. But guess what? They will survive. Don’t let them make you feel guilty or like you have to give them grandchildren. Their happiness should not be reliant on whether or not you reproduce.
So do you, girl. You’re a boss babe and you’re not obligated to do anything other than live your best life, whatever that means for you. If you don’t want kids, great. If you don’t want to get married, great. Do what you want and keep being a boss a** babe.